Police Reports

**15 Police Comments were taken off of
actual police car videos around the country.**

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make
your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?
In case you didn't know, that is the average speed
of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going.
I guess that means I can write anything I want on
the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,
but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention
that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a
cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy,
and step in monkey DOO."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as
we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who
can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
...You're right, we don't..... Sign here.

BBQ

The BBQ went well. It was a nice mix of friends & family. I hope to have more gatherings at the house so that people can see the house as it progresses. I got to catch up with my friend from high school for the first time in a long time. I was sad that more people couldn't make it, but with the insane gas prices, we can't blame anyone.

After all the adults left Rob, Lauren, Chris, Jen, Joe & I were sitting around the fire pit making s'mores when Sugar began barking like she never had before. I put her on my lap to soothe her & she was fine until she was put back on the ground. We couldn't see what she was barking at & figured it was just some small animal. Well, about 5 minutes later Rob says "There's a bear right there" & pointed in the side of the back yard bordering our neighbors. We thought he was kidding until everyone saw it. Of course, the boys ran toward it, the girls ran on the deck & I ran in the house with my dog before she could be turned into an appetizer. I saw the bear from our bedroom window as it ran through the yards & across the road. It was definitely a young bear, but not a cub because it wasn't that small. I really think it was more afraid of us, judging by how fast it was trying to get away from everyone. That exciting event made us decide to go inside for the night. We now realize that Sugar must've smelled the bear long before we saw it.

We spent Sunday at Rob & Lauren's place for a little BBQ. I ate cole slaw because Lauren forgot to make something vegetarian. No one realized that there was nothing for me to eat until Joe saw my empty plate. Lauren felt really bad, but it's ok. I'm used to having to fend for myself. We just spend the night hanging out with them watching movies & ordering a lot of late night food. Joe was so stuffed full of food that he slept on the ride home.

Monday we did yard work. Joe finally started to use the leaf blower on the yard, but because of all the rain he couldn't get it as cleaned up as he planned. We transplanted the juniper bushes from the front of the house to the the side yard where they now encircle the giant rock. It looks nice & I was glad that we were able to reuse them. The lambs ears have been placed in the front of the house & will hopefully begin to take off. I'll be getting a few lilac bushes to plant behind them to add some visual interest to the front of the house. The creeping phlox are lining the one side of our walkway, I'm sure they'll take off soon now that they have the room to grow. All the digging yielded a lot of "Pocono Potatoes" for me to build some additional rock walls & garden liners. I know the realtor said not to go crazy on the landscaping, but if I can get free plants, like I have been, then it's not a big deal. The goal for next weekend is to get the shed painted, as long as the weather is nice.

The cats are doing well. They've been able to spend a lot of time in the enclosed porch & have loved every second of it. Well, we hope that all is well with everyone out there!

House Plans

So, today we met with a realtor to get her input on the house. The majority of plans that we have for the house, she agreed with. She also gave us some ideas that we never thought of, such as heating the enclosed porch. This will increase the amount of living square footage and thus increase the value of the home. It makes sense & Joe thought that it would be a great idea. We should be able to do that one fairly soon. She convinced Joe to go with my plan of putting a 3/4 bath in downstairs, instead of just a 1/2 bath. She shot down the idea of the addition, citing that our house is highly marketable at the current size. We knew that we got the house for a steal and could make a nice little profit if we were to sell it tomorrow, but we'll fix it up to make the larger profit.

I painted the upstairs guest room. I'm not sure why I chose the bright shade of yellow that I did, but you get used to it. It's just something bright for the time being & with the rustic brown accents, it looks very country! Of course all the trim work was done in an ultra bright white, so that really makes everything pop. Oh, did I mention that I finally got the kitchen & hallway painted the same colour? That's a nice light tan with ultra bright white trim and chocolate brown baseboards. I think people will like the improvements they see when they come for the BBQ on Saturday.

The deer had a feast on all my plants....I'm not sure anything can be salvaged. I'll put a lot of mountain laurel in because that seems to be the only thing they wouldn't eat (because of the texture). Oh, the deer also didn't nibble on the lambs ear, so I'll be putting a lot of that in the gardens. Lilac bushes will probably go in all over the place too since they do very well in this area. Mom will be taking all the little spruce trees up to her house so that they can add some height to her gardens.

We bought a new living room set. I'm so thrilled! It's a nice custom order from a local furniture place called Saw Mill Furniture. We got the couch and loveseat to start. Those will be delivered on 6/14. We can't complain because we got them for a good price, for a custom order. We got amazing service from a saleswoman named Jennifer. She was awesome & will be the only person that we deal with when we go there. We had her cracking up when Joe & I were picking out the set because I knew he liked it when he began to fall asleep on the couch! It was also nice to have a person that wasn't pressuring us to buy anything & was willing to take the time out to help us figure out what we liked & wanted. It was nice too because she is our age & new to the area as well. I think we spent more time chit-chatting than shopping! I just never realized that furniture was as expensive as it is, but they do run some pretty good sales. Oh, I also got this huge metal horse doorstop too. It's pretty cool looking. I'm hoping for my birthday to get a new dining room set, but we'll see...

Baby's Day Out

Today was Sugar's first day out in public. My parents came down today & we all decided to spend the day like rednecks & go to the Marshalls Creek flea market. The puppy remained on her leash the entire time & was being pet by every small child & dog lover in the place. Of course, she is so well behaved that none of it was a problem & she lapped up the attention. She even bought herself an identification tag with a little pink paw print on it. People thought that it was so cute when she was drinking out of her very own bottle of water. One stranger even gave Sugar some pizza. Of course the puppy didn't really know what to do with it so she carried it with her before deciding to eat the sauce off it.

The hallway is painted & it looks nice. It's amazing how much different it looks with a little paint. It now looks so much wider than it actually is. Mom & Sean gave me a bunch of plants today so I'll be expanding the gardens all during the week when I get out of work. Joe's Aunt Irma gave me a lilac bush that I have the perfect spot for! Of course Monday will be a bust because of the rain, but I'll get into the gardens on Tuesday after work. I think everything should be in the ground by the time our BBQ comes around.

Political News

My Abuelita sent this to me, so I thought that I must share it!

Official Announcement
The government announced today that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflations, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while your actually being screwed.

Damn, it doesn't get more accurate than that!

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Ok, so how many of you have met your neighbors by calling the cops/security on them? Well, we have done just that.

Allow me to elaborate....
2 weekends ago we were hanging out in the living room & Joe was looking out of the window when he saw a guy in the backyard looking very confused & limping. I was trying to get Joe to go scare the guy, but he wouldn't. When this mysterious man walked up to the house behind our yard & started fiddling with the propane tanks, we called security.
Security came up, asked us to describe what we saw. They took a ride over to the house behind ours & explained the situation. Lucky for us no one was mad! Shortly after the neighbors made a trek back to our yard where we met them, apologized for calling security & formally introduced ourselves. They were happy to know that at least they have neighbors who will keep an eye on their house. Francesco (the neighbor) explained that he was limping because he accidentally kicked a boccie ball. As for why he was messing with the propane tanks, he explained that he just wanted to see how full they were.

Needless to say we felt really silly! However in a positive light, now that we know all of our neighbors, we know there will people looking out for our house while we're gone. Of course, they definitly know we'll be looking out for their houses!

Change of Plans

Well, with gas hitting a ridiculous high, we have had to change our plans. We were going to go to SC for Memorial Day weekend. Now we aren't going to. We decided that if we're going to spend that much money in gas to go there, we would like to spend more than just a few days visiting everyone. Sadly, we're not sure when we'll get the time to go there. It stinks because we really want to get down there to see everyone. To save money, we're going to celebrate Memorial Day at our house with a little party of family & friends.

So the time crunch is on to get some more stuff done around the house. If Joe got out the leaf blower, the yard would finally be done. I will be doing some planting next weekend. Speaking of plants, there are all these plants popping up in the yard. I can't say for sure what they are since the deer seem to have eaten the tops off of all of them. I'm going to venture to guess that they're daffodils since that's what the neighbors have sprouting in their yards. The yard is slowly gaining some curb appeal. If anyone has suggestions for what to plant, let me know.

Last weekend I was doing laundry at 10:30pm when the septic decided to back up. I was in no mood for that crap load of trouble! But, we got it taken care of the next day. There was no icky gross stuff going back up into our basement, which we are thankful for. We had tried to get it pumped after we first moved in, but no one wanted to come do it in the snow. One company refused to come in the driveway & another claimed the tank was about 15-20 feet down. It was only 4 feet down! These Pocono companies are so damn lazy!

Back to happy news. I recently bought an antique cherry wood coffee table for the living room. Ok, so it's more of an end table, but who cares because it was only $30! I'm getting good at antique shopping. The old coffee table will get donated to the Salvation Army. We're gradually amassing another pile of stuff to donate. I can't see tossing out perfectly good things that someone else could use, especially if they need it.

Our zoo is doing well. The puppy is as crazy as ever & one of the cats has seasonal allergies. Joe is doing well also. Hope all is well with everyone out there reading this!